Bahagia

Aku rimas bila orang tanya soalan yang aku tak berapa rajin nak jawab.

Tak tau dah berapa kali aku asyik nak venting out pasal benda ni.

*sigh*

Kahwin tu bukan satu benda yang kau boleh nak paksa².
Ingat macam nak beli anak patung kat kedai?
Campak jer duit dah dapat satu, lepas tu boleh lempar kat mana-mana sesuka hati kau?

Hidup ni makin lama, makin susah,
Lagi banyak digit pada umur kau, lagi berat tanggungjawab. (tu pun kalau kau sedar la pasal tanggung jawab)

Kahwin bukan setakat pada berapa banyak kau belanja untuk kerja kenduri,
di dewan atau hotel mana,
atau berapa mahal barang hantaran
atau mungkin berapa banyak digit pada duit hantaran.
atau berapa ribu jemputan.
atau v.i.p mana yang datang.

nak bina sebuah keluarga bukan senang macam nak bina istana pasir time ko lalalala - happy² kat tepi pantai.
nak didik anak bukan senang macam mana time ko nak buat anak.
macam mana kau tau, kau boleh jadi contoh yang baik untuk anak-anak kau?
jadi mak, jadi ayah itu komitmen sampai kau mati.
you can check in but you can never check out.

*rolling eyes*

tolong la jangan tanya lagi sebab aku nak muntah dah jawab soalan² ni.

bahagia tu biar aku yang cari dan biar aku yang tentukan jalan mana yang aku nak redah.
sebab, bahagia yang aku cari mungkin tak sama macam mana yang kau nak.
jalan yang aku pilih mungkin jauh, mungkin berliku.
mungkin yang aku sendiri tak pernah tau.

aku tak menyesal.
dan
aku takkan salahkan tuhan kalau pun jalan ini tak menghala ke bahagia yang aku cari.

nota : tuhan selalu penyayang, mungkin aku tak akan sampai ke bahagia, tapi setiap langkah ini sudah cukup buat aku menghargai bahagia. Terima Kasih Tuhan, kau memang yang terbaik!

Lin : aku tau kau baca blog aku pagi² dengan Mazlin, Tolong jangan tenung wajah Edward Cullen lama² boleh buat hati tu curang, sangat tak bagus untuk institusi kekeluargaan. hehe terima kasih sahabat, kau pun yang terbaik jugak! aku sayang kau. oh dan kau jugak Hazzu.



♥
Stay Happy!
xoxo

Jacob Black sangat hawt! hahahahahahahaha!

going home..

Sometimes going home is the hardest journey you'll make.


♥
Stay Strong!
xoxo

Nothing that I have is truly mine....

One of the toughest things to do in my life is to sign a letter from hospital acknowledging that I am aware of my dad’s condition ie, my dad is critical.

I get mad when mama breaks down, I’m upset when she started to think endless list of the possible things that might happen. I told her, so many times to take things one day at a time.

Kak Ngah is in the faraway land, Kak Long she’s having her own problem that she need to mind. It’s me who is left to put on my brave face, to utter maybe not so comforting words of wisdom to soothe her heart ache.

So this morning mama came back from the hospital, crying at my door. Asking for a small favor – go and talk to the doctor about papa’s condition. I agreed but my mind was blank. I don’t know how to react.

My conversation with Mrs. Doctor was not very fruitful as I have zero knowledge with this medical thingy. But I did listen, and asked for some explanations, in layman terms so much so that I can go back to my mum and explain to her.

Things are not looking good for my dad. Yes he is no longer in ICU but his condition is not ok. Too much complication leads to some of his organ is not functioning. More tests will be done and I honestly don’t know when they can come back to us with the result.

I hope I wont breakdown either. I’m aware that this is just another trial from god, and I’ve accepted the fact that nothing that I have is truly mine. Whatever that I have, my family, my job, my friends, things that I currently claimed as “mine” is actually something that god lend it to me which god can and will take it at anytime god wants.

So for the time being, I will treasure "this" until the time that I need to return it.
I’m going to be okay. At least I will try my best to be okay. :)

♥
Stay Strong!
xoxo

...

Selama aku hidup, ni kali pertama papa masuk ICU. Jadi boleh bayang kan tak apa aku rasa?

Masuk hari nih kira dah 9 hari Papa kat ICU. Alhamdulillah walaupun kejap-kejap papa ok, kejap-kejap tak okay aku tau dia masih struggle untuk survive.

Doakan papa.

♥
Stay Strong!
xoxo

The Gift...

It was a very long day since the day Papa was transferred to ICU.

Papa dah mula sedar.

He can open his eyes.
His palm was not as cold as ice like before.
His face is no longer pale
And even nods when I spoke to him.
Tears fell from his eyes when I mentioned that mama is waiting for him at home and today is my birthday.
He squeezed my hand when I started to cry

To be honest, this is the most expensive birthday gift I ever get. I don’t want anything else. I just want my family.

Turning 27 is just another number. But the experiences, the lessons, the tears, the smiles that I gained thru out this journey is priceless and very precious.

Thank you Allah! Thank you!

Papa was very true when he told me, there’s no one else you can turn to and seek for anything except Allah, whatever that Allah gave you is a gift that you must treasure.

I’ll keep on praying, and I will never give up. So will you Pa. don’t give up cuz we need you.



♥
Stay Strong!
xoxo

Papa...

"Jika Allah menimpakan sesuatu kemudharatan kepadamu, maka tiada yangg dapat menghilangkannya kecuali Dia. Dan jika Allah menghendaki kebaikan bagi kami, maka tidak ada yangg dapat menolak kurniaNya. Dia memberikan kebaikan itu kepada Siapa yangg dikehendakiNya di antara hamba-hambaNya. Dialah yang Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang."

This is hard. To accept, to digest.
I never expected things gonna be this way.
I know Mama is shattered. She breaks down.
To see him with wires all over his body is sickening.
To see him on bed unconscious , I feel helpless.
I can barely stand up beside his bed. I can’t stop the tears.
I want him to wake up, be as grumpy as he wishes whenever he’s awake.

:(

Dear Allah,

Whichever ways you decided Papa’s journey going to be after this please make it easy for my papa, If that is not too much to ask… :(

But for the mean time, giving up will never be my resort.
Hang on there Pa, you’re one tough and strong guy. We can go thru this.
We love you.


♥
Stay Strong!
xoxo

Monday Blues

I have a lot in mind right now!

Heap of questions, which I don’t know if I will ever find the answers.
I’ll stay positive though. God will never simply give us any hardship. Kan?

I have bad news, I also have good news. Not only that I also have blissful and gloomy memories too. I made new friends and lose some too. Well October is like Super Chunk Fruit Salad. You’ll taste the sweets and sour and even bitter if you’re unlucky.

I started my swimming class again, thanks to that now I’m officially tanner than my original skin color. Got new book, courtesy of my beau (seriously Marian Keyes can never disappoint you). Got new set of personal computer – thanks to beau again (mine was strike by lightening if your ever read my previous entry), I can now use Firefox without feeling guilty *haha*, Happily installed ITunes and use it without having this worry of being caught using some competitor’s product. Yes I’m such a chicken when it comes to rules and regulation, not that kind of dare-devil here. *haha*

But happy doesn’t last that long, god gives you a gift and at the same time he’s going to take some of the gifts that you have and give it to other person to enjoy it – that’s more or less on how I want to look at things currently.

I wish I can write, more. But time doesn’t permit me.

Those that I lose along this journey, I don’t know whether this is adequate to tell you, how much I miss you and how sorry I am for being such an ass.

To those who were generous and caring enough to me, only god can repay your kindness.

♥
Stay Happy!
xoxo

Need a break!

♥
Stay Happy!
xoxo